Tuesday, 14 August 2012

The traveller's squat

I am writing mainly to my women readers now-I'm sure many of you are familiar with the scenario in which you walk into a public toilet only to find that the person before you has somehow managed to miss the bowl and hit mostly the seat. You have two options, you either bundle up a handful of toilet paper and clean the seat, hoping that any contagious diseases are wiped away too, or you assume the traveller's squat. (This is a position one can perfect in Africa over long-drop toilets where there is no seat to impede the pose.)

So, now we are all clear about the stance, please imagine that you have assumed that position in a toilet which has been quirkily located inside a natural cave formation. This is a delightful idea at first until you realise that there is no light inside other than the natural light that is filtering in through the cave entrance and peters out in the first cubicle. You are in the second cubicle. You are wondering just how many creepy crawlies there are lurking in the gloom and whether any of them can see well enough in the dark to strike at any potential hint of bare flesh. You unzip, strike the pose, grope for the toilet paper and in doing so tilt your head at just the wrong angle to set off the positional vertigo which has been intermittently bugging you for a couple of days..............

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